I found myself becoming irritated yesterday as I watched people I know on social media talking about the various plans they had for today. My irritation grew this morning as I realized how little I have of the traditional holiday fare.
One of the things that is unique to Judaism is that Jews pray after they eat. The reasoning is that it is easy to be grateful when one is hungry, but once sated it is even easier to forget from whence it came. After I finished breakfast this morning I did my usual post-meal prayer and, while searching for other things for which I should express gratitude, I realized how ungrateful I was being.
How soon we forget. Just six months ago I was homeless and I had been homeless for four years. There are no holidays on the street, except that is the one time of the year people are generous and give the homeless things they lack the rest of the year, one of those things being food. I remember being grateful and annoyed at the same time that people were showering me with clothing, food, and cash for a couple of weeks at the end of the year while forgetting the homeless even exist the rest of the year. I always tried to focus on the gifts I was receiving instead of dwelling on my annoyance, but I am human.
But, right when I had resigned myself to being in this state for the rest of my life, at long last the Veteran's Administration managed to get me off the streets. I now have a studio apartment, a small wardrobe, food in the cabinets and refrigerator, and a door I can lock and enjoy quiet solitude, emphasis on "quiet". I rarely emerged from my home during the summer, loving the fact that I did not have to interact with another living being unless I wanted to do so.
What, then, was my complaint? Hearing other people's plans reminded me of the "good old days" when I had a real life with family and friends. On every special occasion, I cooked and/or baked whatever the particular holiday required. I enjoyed playing hostess and having the opportunity to show off my culinary skills. Frankly, I should be at a point in my life where I am grateful not to have all of that work to do!
But, as I prepare to cook my chicken dinner for Thanksgiving, those same memories point out the stark contrast between those days and this day. Ordinarily I would be serving turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, a green vegetable of some kind (maybe in a casserole), salad, homemade salad dressing, dinner rolls from scratch, homemade whole berry cranberry sauce, and cans of jellied cranberry sauce for people like myself who do not care for the actual berry. We would have the usual range of things to drink, with the additions of wine and egg nog.
Instead, I am baking chicken leg quarters (because all of the turkeys at the store were huge and cost a minimum of $22!), making Stove Top stuffing, and canned cranberry sauce. Quite a step down, right? Except when I recall where I was this time last year, and the year before, and the year before, and the year before. Then I realize I get to cook everything to my liking and serve it hot when I am ready to eat it. I may not have much, but I have what I need with periodic treats the L-rd sees fit to give me.
So, I apologize for my ingratitude and embrace my Creator for providing me with this new life and for enabling me to enjoy today with a renewed sense of thankfulness. May I never forget where I have been nor the people who are still out there. May He give them comfort and bless them the way He has me.
Happy Thanksgiving
